On Being Anti Porn and A Feminist

I have never seen people, including many women and leftists, gang up so viciously and violently online against a woman except for two occasions; when she is speaking out against domestic violence or rape, or speaking out about the harms of pornography.

As a monogamous person, I was groomed from a very early age to accept that my boyfriend or husband would be consuming women’s bodies in multiple forms of media (and in person) and getting sexual gratification from them. From Maxim magazine to Playboy to pornography to strip clubs, the consumption and objectification of women has been happening before me all my life. I was shamed by men and women alike at a very early age for feeling deeply that the constant consumption and sexual gratification of other women outside my relationships was not a monogamous activity. I was taught that me going to a club and dancing with my friends would be wrong, but my husband can watch strippers fucking each other with strap-ons at a bachelor party and that is perfectly acceptable, and how DARE I feel any type of way about it but positive.

Women’s magazines taught us how to give blow jobs like porn stars, and how to wax, shave, and pluck ourselves bald save for the hair on our head. We were taught countless different sexual positions because god forbid the man we were having sex with be BORED. Don’t we know that WE are the entertainment? Pussy, we are taught, should be bald and bubblegum pink. It should smell like flowers or fruit, not flesh. The body it is attached to should also be hairless, airbrushed, writhing and moaning in high pitched ecstasy at the appearance of penis. Or many penises. Peni? Is that even a word?

Women’s bodies are beautiful and they are a commodity, an object to be sexualized and consumed, and consequently porn is everywhere. Porn advertisements are on social media, and porn exists on YouTube, in video games, TV shows, movies, books, and every corner of the internet. Scantily clad women live in advertisements, selling anything. Because sex sells. It not only sells, it is shoved down our throats. We deep throat sex and porn multiple times a day every day of the week. You would have to live without internet or in a different dimension in order to avoid getting slapped in the face with it.

Porn has become so normalized that if you have any issue with it, YOU are the problem. Don’t like the objectification of women? Want to bring up trafficking? Have a discussion of how problematic the recording and distribution of non consensual images is? If you don’t feel like porn belongs in your monogamous relationship? How dare you! Don’t you know that selling your body (or even giving it away) is empowering? The constant consumption of others is our right.

In patriarchal society we are taught that men exist to fuck, and that women exist to be fucked. Most patriarchal societies are constructed on a framework of monogamy and purity culture, and because of this, being fucked is frowned upon. There are consequences for being fucked. Pregnancy, disease, loss of value. Whoredom. Men however are encouraged to gain “experience” and sow their wild oats. Who then are the fuckers fucking?

It is a time when boys are exposed to pornography at 8 or 9 years old and the bodies we would have associated with porn stars in the 2000s have become mainstream. By the time men are grown they are addicted. Men spend countless hours scrolling through porn sites, hookup apps, and social media, spinning the wheel on who they will masturbate to at any given hour. They spend their time hearting photos, leaving fire emojis, shooting their shot on social media, and secretly matching with women on dating and hookup apps, even when in a relationship, because they are addicted to lust. Women are here for their consumption, and they are used to the feeling that there is always something different or better out there. A different woman or women every trip to the toilet. All day every day. Meanwhile their very real partners beg for intimacy and connection.

Women are objects and our bodies a commodity, and everyone wants to picture fucking us or see us naked. BUT as a woman you can’t SELL your porn on social media or you will be banned. You can’t do the porn or you are disgusting. A 304. A public toilet. The men who get off to you would NEVER want their wife, sister, mother, or grandmother to do such a thing. We are taught it is bad to have needs. It is bad to have standards. We are supposed to be quiet, docile, and ready to be fucked. Only men can have needs and what they need are our holes.

If there is anything that the Motherless site and what happened to Gisèle Pelicot has taught us, it is that there are countless men out there who want nothing more than lifeless fuck toys. Men drug the wives and girlfriends who love and trust them so that they can get a pat on the back from anonymous men who get to watch them fuck their lifeless bodies. But don’t talk about where they got the idea to carry out these actions and record them.

Sex is cheap and meaningless; an ego boost, a pick me up. A dopamine hit. Better than drugs. Better on drugs. Far better than silly old love. Who the hell wants that anymore? Real connection is rare. People who value honestly and commitment are left in the dust. Shallow is better. Shallow and meaningless are safe.

Why solve a relationship issue when you can open your phone and find someone else to fuck tonight? Someone who won’t ask questions, who won’t go deep. Someone who doesn’t care about you, who doesn’t know your last name. Someone who has never held your hand or met your parents. Relationships are messy. People are made to be discarded. People and especially women are objects that exist in our phones.

A supposed male loneliness epidemic looms. Not because of a lack of choice they say, but because apparently there is a lack of perfect pure women out there who are not “used up or ran through”, or corrupted by the evil seed of feminism. God forbid objects want rights. It couldn’t be because men carry thousands of women in their pocket, available at the touch of a screen. They despise the women they fuck, the women they get off to. They want a pure woman in the home and a hidden compartment of ever revolving pussy in their pocket and on their device.

I see hope on the horizon though. Women of all ages are finding each other in little groups online and talking about how they would never accept this behavior from their partner. They are sharing stories about how they divorced or broke up with porn sick men. They speak about the shame of what they did to try and appeal to the men in their lives, and the shame dealing with the poor treatment they once accepted. The shame of being a pick me. Some of these women don’t care about shaving or about pleasing men. They are not male focused. They did not buy into the brainwashing that was fed to all of us women ever since we can remember, and this gives me hope.